Sunday, May 13, 2012

Music: Submission Skills "I Bought Lance Armstrong's Colostomy Bag" tape

I wanted to not like this tape, OK? Hell, I was told not to like it, but damn it all if I don't kind of love it.

It's stupid. I get that, and it's a joke sort of tape, obviously, with that title. The fragments of lyrics and song titles (drummer, Rob Bekham shouts the titles before counting off each song,) are all nasty jokes about anal rape and finger fucking. Sophomoric, to say the least, it's a bit like an Adam Sandler movie for the noise set. But if Diarrhea Planet once set the bar for sophomoric humor in Nashville punk music, well that's just been obliterated absolutely. (And, by the way, they didn't. There used to be a band called Asschapel for Christsakes.)

The music is ridiculous speed-punk. The guitar is so distorted it becomes just a big cloud of noise. The drums are all bashed, two hands at a time, never changing. Singer, Kevin Cunningham's vocals are off-key raving and never as audible as Bekham's unamplified voice, screaming the song names. And everything's about as unlistenable as this description makes it sound. But it's a lot of fun.

Shit-quality recording and dubbing, (in between songs, bits of random, mostly awful-sounding pop can be heard, presumably having been recorded over for the release.) And yes that's a woman drinking from what appears to be a colostomy bag on the cover, but I'll have to see some kind of documentation of proof before I believe it's actually Lance Armstrong's.

Definitely pick this up if you come across it.

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